Keeping on

“Sometimes, I think my family is just the happiest family in the whole world” My son, like,  an hour ago.

Confession:

I was surprised.

I was relieved.

I was so so so thankful.

My journey through peaceful parenting is 3 years in. I yelled earlier this week. Probably a couple of times. I’ve apologized more just for my tone and I feel like I just “work on” stuff all freaking day long and that I’m also “working on” having more fun, laughter, smiles and joy that flow through our days.

So I was relieved that amidst hard hours, my son could find a place of appreciation. I am thankful that he actually finds that place often and will surprise me with minutes of a loving overflow towards me and I wonder who this poet is who stands before telling me that I make him so happy and that I “inspire him to follow what makes him happy”

It is an interesting dynamic to hold in my head this honest feeling of truly making it out of the danger zone of repeating a violent cycle. We did it. I also have intuitive knowing that old cycles will not be repeated. But then to also hold (and release) the flashes of worry that I am just not doing enough. That I did too much of the wrong thing already and that if I keep messing up even a little bit, than our progress will recede —

I release them as often as they come up.

I have to. It serves nobody to hold those thoughts in my head; that is not where I am going and I am reminded that every step forward, with conscious awareness of where I am, emotionally and mentally, I am simply on top of all of this.

I am able to track which thoughts make me feel good and think more of them and I am able to catch the ones that do not make me feel good faster than ever before and if I do slip into moods, I know what to do now to get myself out of it faster and with greater ease.

I am working on maintaining my calm when others are upset and now it is just another part of my journey, every day.

I do not want to spend any more time worrying about the past or the future – there is so much to be had when you can become present within yourself and you just *Know* what is going on because you are committed to knowing how you feel.

Everybody has this Knowing. Every body. Everybody has this ability and I am excited as I keep going to share what I am doing because the joy I felt over my son’s own appreciation of his life, even though it is far from perfect, was something I would have bottled as a keep sake if I could have.

But I have knowing there will be more. So much more.