It’s a Big Topic.
Have you ever thought about what it means to tell your story? I think about it all of the time because it is a big part of my healing journey. But I also know that to tell a story is to create a world, and I am very conscious of what I want to create in myself now, how I pattern my thoughts to see on the outside what I see on the inside. In order for me to be real and authentic, I have to know what to detach from that was never my story to begin with.
For instance, my fathers alcoholism and its effect on our family. That is more his story than it will ever be mine. Not that I always felt that way – it was apart of my story for a long time, when I felt like I was a victim of that circumstance. But truthfully, my soul took that experience for what it could be worth to me and I learned valuable lessons on the futility of trying to impress upon society an outer security, when you feel anything but secure on the inside. It doesn’t work. It causes soul shaking frustration and triggers the deepest wounds of criticism of the self/others and a dark inferiority complex. I saw it in him enough times and before I separated my truth from that perspective, I carried it forward in me as well. My lack of inner security had me arguing against every higher power at every job I have ever had, the inability to be recognized as an authority by an authority led me wanting to escape that perception of inferiority in any way my soul chose. I could understand how he felt and it caused a split in me because I naturally wanted to be empathetic to his pain…but what about what it was doing to me?
That is where the responsibility of knowing the truth of our own story comes in: I have every right to tell of my experience, my perception, my joys and my pain and it doesn’t mean that what anybody else felt was invalid or untrue. But we all have a piece of collective truth that takes a special kind of courage in order to speak your part.
One of our greatest woundings in human history is our propensity to correct children when they use their voice about their environment. Adults naturally sweep in to give them a bigger perspective based on experience, “truth” and knowledge, even fear; but it negates the individual spark of perception that only knows what it sees to be true and when that is wounded as a child, our sense of truth is forever in question, we will always look to another person to validate our existence and corroborate its inherent truth and worth to us. And we get upset when it never matches with anybody else’s version and the invalidation of our natural ability to communicate what we see is further triggered.
I think in Cycles, quite a bit. And I am excited to be breaking this particular one. I am learning with my own child how soul-shaking it is to not negate his perception, even when I do not see the truth in it, and instead create the space from within that invites his perception to exist with mine. The alchemy that takes place afterwards forever changes the landscape of the Soul…for everybody involved. He thankfully has little problem using his voice and when he exercises that right in our home, it heals the wound in me bit by bit.
What gets me excited about this healing journey is the realization of the Spiritual Truths that are intrinsically ours but have been horribly wounded in childhood for most of us: The Right to Exist, the Right to Sustenance, the Right to use our Voice to describe, (Read: Create) our Environment, our Self and our Purpose, woundings in those areas of our life create a distortion for all of the rest.
I use Astrology and Reiki to clear those distortions on a daily basis for myself and others and it is so so satisfying when wounds receive healing in the form of light and awareness and what was once blocked can now flow free to its original purpose.
And I know that everyday I use my voice, I align more and more with my own.
Sending Love and Light for your journey,