Originally Written 2013 I think this has to be my mantra for awhile. So often..and by often I really mean all of the time, when I have a panic attack, mood swing, intense anger, my rational thinking brain is reduced to a hellish tunnel vision on what is wrong with me personally. It is... Continue Reading →
Rage Against the Machine
Originally Posted/Written 2013 That is probably not a very inventive title – I’m sure it’s been thought of before. But here I am claiming it for myself. I’m an angry girl. I believe my emotional self to be around 11. Only, I look back at myself at 11 and marvel at how “mature” I was.... Continue Reading →
Trust Fall
2014 I don’t know if I fit the qualifications to be a poster child for “Daddy Issues”, but I certainly have them, and they certainly affect my life and my relationships. I trust no one. And I don’t know if it counts that I say I trust certain people “as much as I can”. What... Continue Reading →
Battle Ship: Emotions Edition
For as much strategy as we put into our life and the way our days unfold; there is that possibility that something comes along that either derails plans or shatters expectations. There is a moment, smaller than the space of a breath, where something is decided in your brain. Are you in danger or otherwise... Continue Reading →
The Inner Critic and Toxic Shame: The Damaging Duo
I made the decision over two years ago to leave my hometown; putting roughly 364 miles between me and the first 31 years of my life. About a year in, I finally asked myself this question: “Why do I fucking hate myself so much!!??!?!” It was a violent hate. It was a condemning, condescending, vitriolic... Continue Reading →
Shifting from Blame to Responsibility
Here is why forgiveness is a hard concept to wrap my mind around in my recovery: Whose fault is it? It wasn’t mine. I at least know this. My father’s? Maybe. He made a lot of bad choices. He is an alcoholic. But he’s also in a lot of pain. Always has been. I remember... Continue Reading →
When Entertainment is the Trigger
When I was little, my parents watched what they wanted to watch on tv. They consumed a lot of news, they watched a lot of violent movies/shows. ..I was able to find the porn collection pretty early. When I didn’t want to watch something, I could isolate myself and still hear it, or I could... Continue Reading →
Bubble Theory
I have been accused of living in “My Own Little Bubble”. And I do. But don’t we all? Our inner world is our bubble. It is around us no matter where we go, what we do, who we talk to— outside of all of that, we are inside of our bubble. Thoughts, perceptions and feelings... Continue Reading →
Learning to Use My Voice Pt 2
It's a Big Topic. Have you ever thought about what it means to tell your story? Â I think about it all of the time because it is a big part of my healing journey. But I also know that to tell a story is to create a world, and I am very conscious of what... Continue Reading →
Learning to Use My Voice
I am sure that if I said out loud to everybody I knew that I had trouble using my voice and communicating, there would be a few raised eyebrows and a couple "Yeah, um, okay...You have trouble speaking your mind." I've been known to have quite a sharp tongue, sometimes. I'm usually pretty quick with... Continue Reading →
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