Hours after the New Moon, I was crying into my husband’s chest.
“Am I being Unrealistic?!” “Do I want something I can’t have?!” “What if I can’t do this”
You see, my husband and I are on an adventure. Steadily, we have been reaching this point in our lives. I didn’t know what our future would look like once we had settled in Canada. I had no idea of the healing journey I was about to embark on – I just knew we had to go. I could not comprehend how my awareness would change after I learned how to channel Reiki and I couldn’t have predicted the gigantic shift in consciousness after making meditation a daily practice in my life.
I couldn’t know that once the option to return to work was available to me again, I wouldn’t jump back into the work force right away. I never imagined I would be starting my own Reiki practice and sharing it others, that I would be coaching meditation, doing Astrology readings, training to lead mental health support groups, writing, changing my parenting philosophies, opening up in exciting new ways, and entertaining the ideas of such freedom not only for myself, but for my husband, who has always worked and never felt quite comfortable in company positions for long -and when he was let go from his position a few months ago, I never once thought I could let go of the fear to allow us both a chance to rewrite our stories in how we work and serve in this world.
But here we are…
We realized how hard we were working to keep a lifestyle we were not satisfied with. He no longer liked his job, I tried to compensate for that in any way I could while he was home and when he had to leave – and I teetered on an edge of New Horizons and Comfortable Complacency as I tried to navigate this experience of putting my services to good and profitable use. And when he let go, we figured now was our chance to do it differently. We have not jumped at the first full-time job offered, and there have been a few – we have gone on interviews that have interested us and accepted that they weren’t the right fit if they didn’t call back – we have learned how to bolster each other’s confidence and to step forward in faith when worry is knocking at the doors and windows.
And we are happier than we’ve ever been. Never before have I felt so many possibilities before us and excited about the next opportunities because we are proving to ourselves that they are plenty. It feels exhilarating to try for a position you are excited about, but not necessarily qualified for, and get it because there is value in what I bring with me that is different than the rest. However, I wouldn’t have known this experience if we stayed complacent in where we were. And There is freedom, so much freedom, in being able to pick up shifts with a company when needed and work part time here or there so that we have more time to focus on ourselves, our home, our connections, our desires, our path forward from this point here. It is fulfilling to provide my service and be compensated for it and it just feels right to want more of this life, more of this freedom, more of this opportunity, more of this joy and more of all that is always new.
So when I finally brought myself back to center, grounded myself in nature and went on my way to meet with my client; the New Moon in Virgo, Square Saturn in Sagittarius, Opposite Neptune in Pisces, with of course, the exact (for 24 days) square between Saturn and Neptune, flashed into my mind and I understood what this pattern represented for me.
I am observing this transit in real-time. Feeling my self doubt (Virgo), working to find my true path of service (Saturn in Sagittarius), changing the whole of my identity from one of a victim to one of being empowered and knowing of her course in life (Neptune in Pisces) –
No wonder there were tears. This is emotional stuff. Big Stuff. Uncomfortable Stuff. Unfamiliar, Unknown, Exciting yet Scary and I still do not know what I will become but I am ready for the next and the next because I am ready to read the signs Right Now.
With this New Moon, set the intention to explore the boundaries of your comfort zones. Start a new habit that feels good (preferably one that is good for you, but I won’t judge ;op) Explore the areas of your mind that is clouded by everybody’s perception and beliefs of you, and consider once and for all, letting them go. Realize your inherent ability to think thoughts that feel good to you and Recognize your choice to change the ones that do not feel so good.
You cannot get this wrong. It is only in your ability to reach upwards in consciousness to accept yourself as Free and then be patient with the unfolding. This Virgo New Moon holds the messages of releasing the belief that you are inferior to any other being. We release the belief that “one size fits all” when it comes to a predetermined path of School, More School, Work, More Work, Bills and More Work – yes, those can be a part of your journey, but they are not YOU. You are vibrating underneath all of that, throbbing with your own unique signature of desire, feeling, thought, expression and service – You own that.
And You inhabit the freedom of it when you say you do, when you construct the parameters of your own existence, when you take responsibility for the thoughts that you think and emit, when you realize you control only what you create and when you create only what you love.
It is worth it. Every Day. Tears and All
So much love to you,